Thursday, March 10, 2011

Nineteen and Never Been Kissed

No, it’s not because I’m weird or shy. I don’t have deadly garlic breath or a weird quirk about me that drives the guys away. I made a choice, a long time ago. A promise to myself, my parents, and my God, that I’d remain pure until the day I get married. Purity, in my mind, wasn’t just a choice to save my virginity for my husband. Actually, purity is an art that I discover more about every day. It’s a beautiful dance, and I’m still learning the steps.

Sometimes it’s hard not to give in to temptation. But as Ephesians 6 says, the struggle is “not against flesh and blood.” Little choices lead to bigger choices. Honestly, I’ve never been tempted to kiss a guy. (And I’m pretty sure I’ve never tempted a guy to kiss me!) But that’s because the choices I make beforehand don’t let me get into those sorts of situations. Don’t get me wrong; I still face temptation on a daily basis. But they’re not usually physical choices of what I do or don’t do with a guy. They’re choices of what I watch, what I read, what I wear, what I listen to, what I say, what people I choose to befriend, and what thoughts I choose to entertain. I’ve found that every right choice leads to a deeper mental and spiritual commitment to purity—complete purity.

Let me tell you right now, my pursuit of purity has not been perfect. There are things I’ve done that I already regret. But missing a step doesn’t mean it’s not worth finishing the dance. Learning the dance of purity now means that I’ll be ready when the dance reaches its climax and I’m joined by another, one who has waited and practiced just as I have.

“Why?” you might ask. “Why learn purity now? Why not just “have some fun” while you’re single? There’s lots of time to be ‘pure’ and ‘faithful’ once you’re married.”

Pay attention, this may come as a shock to you: What you do now, will be what you do when you’re married. You cannot choose to live an impure life now and then automatically become the epitome of fidelity when you say “I do.” If you don’t stand your ground against lust’s clever temptations now, marriage will not automatically cure you of your desire for what is not yours. If two dancers who have no idea what they’re doing get together, do they get better? No, their klutziness is multiplied! Toes get stepped on, balance is lost, and there may even be a total collision with another unsuspecting pair of dancers.

By “impure” I simply mean this: Whether you are married or single, deriving sexual pleasure from thoughts, fantasies, images, or actual physical contact with someone you are not married to. You’re welcome to make up your own definition, but from my knowledge of God’s moral will through scripture, this is what I know to be true. Ephesians 5:3 says that there “must not be even a HINT of sexual immorality, or of ANY KIND of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” That’s good enough for me.

I’m not going to make up your list of what is and isn’t “pure” for you. That’s between you and God. But I ask you to consider carefully, and not let the world’s twisted way of thinking influence you. So many things that are “acceptable” in this day and age are detestable to God. Yes, detestable. I have my list, and like I said, I’m still learning. But one thing I know is that I’m definitely saving my first kiss for my wedding day.

I can hear the critics now: “You mean you’re not even going to kiss him when he asks you to marry him?”

Nope. And whoever “he” is will be completely fine with that.

“But that’s so unromantic!”

Hey, I’m as romantic as they come! I love seeing happy couples together, I cry at most weddings I attend, and most of my favorite movies are adventurous tales in which the lead characters, drawn together through perilous circumstances, fall in love at the end. But romance isn’t just what you see at weddings and in the movies. Real romance begins with a decision you make long before you find Mr. or Mrs. Right.

The fact is, I’ve decided in my heart that on my wedding day, I don’t just want to be able to say “I’ve saved my body for you.” I want to be able to give all of me, without reservation. I want to be able to say, “I haven’t lusted after another man. I’ve saved everything, even my thoughts, for you alone. You’re the only one I have ever, and will ever love.”

Now that’s romantic.

Are you hanging on halfheartedly to the shreds of your purity you have left? Or have you made a firm decision to learn the ways of purity? Whatever your past, it’s not too late to begin learning the dance. Your future is up to you.

"I don’t stay pure so I can marry the perfect woman so we can have a perfect marriage. I stay pure because I love the woman I’m going to marry." -Ben, of "In All Purity"


  1. This is beautiful! I love how your heart is so fully dedicated to the Lord and your convictions are solid.
    One day, when your prince charming comes into your life, he will truly be captured by your heart!


  2. Fantastic post! I especially appreciated and related to the second paragraph. Purity is so much more than the physical; it's even so much more than anything sexually related. As you said, it's about being untainted, perfectly clean. I fail in that area every day, but, praise the Lord, He makes me new again, washing me so that I am white as snow--pure. Being untainted is a very, very difficult thing, but close fellowship with God, "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ," can make it happen. Praise the Lord for His goodness, and, yes, it is a dance--a glorious, beautiful, joyful dance.
    Thank you for posting about this and, as usual, expressing my thoughts far, far better than I could. :)

  3. Beautiful, Lajoie. I plan to print this and save for my daughter to read. You are one special young lady.

  4. So beautiful! You are a special lady and one day a certain young man will sweep you off your feet and yours will be a story of dedication, commitment and honor; to yourself, your husband and our God.

  5. Everyone who gets married seems to think that they will better the marital odds of the rest of the world, for one reason or another. But, I can say with certainty that a couple, with your determination, will most certainly better the odds of the rest. Commitment must start before marriage if it is going to be strong during marriage. Purity doesn't come back after it is gone. The history of its loss can leave scars forever. I have felt badly for a number of friends who gave in to temptation and justified it. If someone does not desire purity in relationships, it also says something about what they desires of Godliness. So, as a guy, I watch the girls that I am around to see whether they desire purity or something else. Sadly, it seems that there are very few options people who even desire friendship of others who are committed to purity. Many of the girls that I know seem to go through cycles of bad relationships. However, they still believe that marrying someone will fix all that. But,instead their desire for emotional gratification demands the failure of every relationship that they are in. I wish I could post your message all over the Internet. Keep blogging. :)

  6. Frankitily (yeah, I just made up that word), I loved this post. :) This message is so important! Thank you for sharing...I have a friend who just did a speech on "Saving your first kiss for the altar" and there are several excerpts from it in this post: (Though you may have already read it. :) )
    Again, thank you so much for sharing this! I commend you!

  7. I adore you for the purity you have shown throughout the life that you had spent. I was just hoping that I was still as pure as you are, but I'm already not. I have given a part of my heart already to someone who just left me and it was just after that unfortunate event that I've learned to see how purity was so important.

    I pray that you'll keep holding on to that purity that you have established. Your future better half will be really be blessed for having you. God bless you, dear.

  8. J think that is romantic.....
    I`ve met Christ when I was 21. I`ve kissed a boy before, at the age of 16, and I gave my virtue...., at the age of 23.
    I`m so sad about it, because although he said we`re going to be married, he left me 2 months later. He never told me whey, and he is my brother in Christ....
    I`m so in shame......

  9. I think this post is really great! I will admit, i have kissed, but only 2 times. My first was completely terrible and so disgusting that i swore off kissing until i was an adult or married, and the second was sweet but the guy was too much of a friend. Now that i have read this, i think i will follow your lead and leave all other types of "intimacy" for marriage. Thanks for the insight:) Oh, and im 17 .

  10. Ok I need your advice... I have kissed my boyfriend before... I mean I want to marry him and everything, but I kissed him! Am I unpure? I didn't know that was sinning to God... Do you think He's mad at me; should I repent? Please, I don't wanna go to hell for kissing when I thought it was innocent :'(

  11. @ Anonymous:
    First of all, going to heaven and hell is based on whether or not you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It has nothing to do with what you have or have not done, but rather, what Jesus did for you! If you have not made a decision to follow Jesus, I would love to chat with you and tell you more. Comment back with your email address (I'll keep it private, don't worry!).

    About kissing, that's a matter between you and God and your future husband. If you are feeling convicted about having kissed your boyfriend, make the decision now that you will not kiss again until you are married. I have had several people tell me that they have kissed before, but now they have decided to wait until marriage. It's never too late for a fresh start. Please, read the above blog post again, but this time, realize that I wrote it to encourage you to seek purity, not to condemn you in any way! As I said in the post, it is about learning the "dance." May God bless you, and I will be praying for you!