No, it’s not because I’m weird or shy. I don’t have deadly garlic breath or a weird quirk about me that drives the guys away. I made a choice, a long time ago. A promise to myself, my parents, and my God, that I’d remain pure until the day I get married. Purity, in my mind, wasn’t just a choice to save my virginity for my husband. Actually, purity is an art that I discover more about every day. It’s a beautiful dance, and I’m still learning the steps.
Sometimes it’s hard not to give in to temptation. But as Ephesians 6 says, the struggle is “not against flesh and blood.” Little choices lead to bigger choices. Honestly, I’ve never been tempted to kiss a guy. (And I’m pretty sure I’ve never tempted a guy to kiss me!) But that’s because the choices I make beforehand don’t let me get into those sorts of situations. Don’t get me wrong; I still face temptation on a daily basis. But they’re not usually physical choices of what I do or don’t do with a guy. They’re choices of what I watch, what I read, what I wear, what I listen to, what I say, what people I choose to befriend, and what thoughts I choose to entertain. I’ve found that every right choice leads to a deeper mental and spiritual commitment to purity—complete purity.
Let me tell you right now, my pursuit of purity has not been perfect. There are things I’ve done that I already regret. But missing a step doesn’t mean it’s not worth finishing the dance. Learning the dance of purity now means that I’ll be ready when the dance reaches its climax and I’m joined by another, one who has waited and practiced just as I have.
“Why?” you might ask. “Why learn purity now? Why not just “have some fun” while you’re single? There’s lots of time to be ‘pure’ and ‘faithful’ once you’re married.”
Pay attention, this may come as a shock to you: What you do now, will be what you do when you’re married. You cannot choose to live an impure life now and then automatically become the epitome of fidelity when you say “I do.” If you don’t stand your ground against lust’s clever temptations now, marriage will not automatically cure you of your desire for what is not yours. If two dancers who have no idea what they’re doing get together, do they get better? No, their klutziness is multiplied! Toes get stepped on, balance is lost, and there may even be a total collision with another unsuspecting pair of dancers.
By “impure” I simply mean this: Whether you are married or single, deriving sexual pleasure from thoughts, fantasies, images, or actual physical contact with someone you are not married to. You’re welcome to make up your own definition, but from my knowledge of God’s moral will through scripture, this is what I know to be true. Ephesians 5:3 says that there “must not be even a HINT of sexual immorality, or of ANY KIND of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” That’s good enough for me.
I’m not going to make up your list of what is and isn’t “pure” for you. That’s between you and God. But I ask you to consider carefully, and not let the world’s twisted way of thinking influence you. So many things that are “acceptable” in this day and age are detestable to God. Yes, detestable. I have my list, and like I said, I’m still learning. But one thing I know is that I’m definitely saving my first kiss for my wedding day.
I can hear the critics now: “You mean you’re not even going to kiss him when he asks you to marry him?”
Nope. And whoever “he” is will be completely fine with that.
“But that’s so unromantic!”
Hey, I’m as romantic as they come! I love seeing happy couples together, I cry at most weddings I attend, and most of my favorite movies are adventurous tales in which the lead characters, drawn together through perilous circumstances, fall in love at the end. But romance isn’t just what you see at weddings and in the movies. Real romance begins with a decision you make long before you find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
The fact is, I’ve decided in my heart that on my wedding day, I don’t just want to be able to say “I’ve saved my body for you.” I want to be able to give all of me, without reservation. I want to be able to say, “I haven’t lusted after another man. I’ve saved everything, even my thoughts, for you alone. You’re the only one I have ever, and will ever love.”
Now that’s romantic.
Are you hanging on halfheartedly to the shreds of your purity you have left? Or have you made a firm decision to learn the ways of purity? Whatever your past, it’s not too late to begin learning the dance. Your future is up to you.
Related Resources: In All Purity: Would You Marry a Sinner?
"I don’t stay pure so I can marry the perfect woman so we can have a perfect marriage. I stay pure because I love the woman I’m going to marry." -Ben, of "In All Purity"